William Birkin

I cannot even begin to describe to you people how utterly disturbing it is to wake up in the morning and see a commercial for a video game based on your life. People are profiting from my life - really I should be saying "my death", but that just takes this to a whole new morbid level that I don't even want to get into.

Whoever the hell these Capcom people are need to knock it the fuck off before I find a way to accuse them for my murder and/or sue them for mental distress. I mean, hell, I'd really like to enjoy drinking my coffee and watching the movin' pi'ture box without having to relive the horrible memories of that time I got shot to death and destroyed an entire city, if that's a-okay with these people. Maybe I'd be able to make a case for neglect considering they are kind of like my parents or something, I guess? I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. Actually, speaking of. Edgeworth, Phoenix, I've got a really funny story to tell you guys some time.

Does anyone else actually live in a world where they are knowingly fictional? Because it's hard. It's hard and nobody understands.

Dear Diary,

Today, I watched (for some limited definition of the word 'watched' because my eyes can't really move that fast) Stein and Marie beat the ever loving crap out of a priest before said priest disafuckingppeared into a sheet of fucking paper. Yes. Really. This is why I hate religion. Well, not this, specifically, because I admit I never saw this coming, but the fact that religious people are completely off their damn rockers.

But at least we're going to be home for Christmas. I was getting a little sick of this damn mandatory camping trip.